December 30, 2009

AOPA at Work

I don’t have a hat.

“What about you?,” I asked Jane Grey. “No”, Jane replied.

“What about you Dogsbody?

“I don’t wear hats”, Dogsbody sniffed, glaring at me. “Draw the winner out of your own hat.”

How could I tell her that my last school hat was used by my Dad to strain his last home brew in 1959. It was a bit of disaster really because Dad’s brother, Bill used to make the home brew at his house and had all the necessary equipment at hand.

At first, having Bill’s old paratrooper platoon call in to assess the brewing and bottling procedure was acceptable to Aunty Marion, but her patience wore thin when she questioned how much scientific evaluation could go on after the boys had consumed 3 lbs of prawns. As any master brewer will tell you, the secret of success is in the filtration. And Bill’s secret weapon was a Coogee Prep School felt hat through which he would strain the brew before bottling. Under marital duress, Bill passed the brewing equipment to brother Keith, but handing over only the hardware. Like any modern military man, he quietly retained the software, namely the felt hat, for some dark but yet unspoken future purpose.

Dad entered the brewing business with gusto hoping, I think, to show his younger brother that age brought skill as well privilege. Reaching that critical moment on the way to fermenting greatness, he called his brother and asked about filtration and storage and was told to go find his own school hat.
This is why we now found ourselves at AOPA about to draw the new member’s big prize but without a hat in which to put the entries, from which to draw a winner.

My accountant from the local aero club reminded us that TV stations use a barrel, but she didn’t give any hint where one would find such a device.

“If you have barrel, you’ll need a barrel girl,” said the boss, Alyn Ky with just the hint of a smile. I quietly reminded them that we had already spent our budget buying the big prize, a fantastic EPIRB from the good people at Mendelssohn’s Pilot’s Supplies. So I suggested we should make do with what was around the AOPA office and the attached hangar.

Turns out you can’t have a barrel draw and a barrel girl without a barrel audience, according to Jane.

“She’s right,” chipped in the accountant. “The draw has to be seen to be fair so you need an audience.”

Reluctantly the engineers downed tools from restoring the DH Dragon and like all aircraft engineers had temporary solutions for most problems. For a barrel they suggested we use a fire bucket. This was dutifully filled with slips of paper affixed with each new member’s name. Moving the Gypsy Queen engine from the gantry crane hook and on to an engine stand allowed the engineers to hoist the bucket containing the entries up high, so all could view the proceedings. At the same time the prize was displayed on top of the engine for all to see (because that’s what they do at the Worker’s Club with the meat draw).

Dogsbody, now dressed appropriately in hose, AOPA tee-shirt, an old flying jacket, (as one of the older engineers said it was good enough for Marilyn Monroe) plus some tinsel taken from the AOPA Christmas tree, tentatively ascended the stairs of the gantry ladder. Harold Eyte a skilled engineer but very amateur crane driver jerkily crawled the overhead crane and bucket closer to where Dogsbody stood far above the gaping engineers. Leaning forward to put her hand in the bucket to select the winner, it was obvious to those familiar with centre of gravity calculations that hers was too far forward. On losing her footing, she grabbed the bucket which, with her additional weight, shot along its hangar roof rail.

The Airworthiness Inspector chose at that time to make a random inspection, and reverted straight to training. Seeing a vision in hose and tinsel flying across the hangar declared “Is that fairy licensed? ”
Harold’s finger hit the crane’s emergency stop button and Newton’s law took control of the proceedings. Dogsbody and silver bucket trailing a stream of competition entries, arced like a comet, across the hangar. The sound of Dogsbody falling through the plywood and plexiglass of the DH Dragon and the sight of it sliding majestically off its jacks on to the adjacent engine stand, brought back the sound of my Dad’s home brew batch exploding in the only cool place he could find in our small flat – under the bed.

Dad did eventually use my old school hat to filter his brew but then I went to a school which incorporated a straw Boater into its uniform. The reaction between the straw and the brewing beer was fierce and fulsome.

“Never again!” shouted my Mother.

“Never again!” shouted Dogsbody.

So did boss, Alyn Ky who owned the Pitts into which the mobile engine stand, plus Gypsy Queen slid, propelling the Pitts and the ELT into the hangar door with such force that the ELT went off summoning emergency services. Lots of explaining to do in the days ahead. Anyway it will be days before the final entry slip finally flutters back down to the ground.

Except for one which stuck in Dogsbody’s tinsel adornment. On which was written the name, James Ritchie, from Victoria. Congratulations, at least you know your prize works.

Allan and all the team at AOPA HQ wish you and your loved ones a safe and happy 2010 (and any workers compensation officials reading should realise that in the spirit of the season Allan has taken some liberties with his description of the draw).

Best wishes and safe and fun flying.

Allan Bligh
AOPA General Manager